Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Weighty information

Ah, the pun intended. I'm revealing some HUGE information here, folks. Yes, another pun. I have struggled with weight since college. When I married I was 185, 190. Pretty pleased with that nowadays! By the time we did paperwork to adopt Roman I was pushing 200, so I started dieting (my first foray into Weight Watchers Online). Got back down to 185 before we went to Russia. Gained it right back the first year with Ro home!

Flash-forward to 2007, I'm now pushing 215. Found out I was pregnant with Charlie and so no problem - I'll lose it all after he's born! And I did, with Weight Watchers' help: back down to 185, 190. Pleased again. And then I started some medication in 2009 for anxiety, and guess what - it's one of the worst meds for weight gain! I piled and piled it back on, now at a whopping... I don't even want to say. But the pictures tell all, gentle readers - when I saw a shot of me almost double the size of my cousins at a wedding last summer, I cried. Disgusting.

I tried Weight Watchers again, but was unable to lose anything. I'd go down 2, 3, maybe even 4 pounds - and then plateau. That's not normal. I could never lose more. Meanwhile, even though my anxiety is under control, my self-esteem is plummeting and I could even feel some depression creeping in over this issue.

So I went to a new doctor today - the psychiatrist that Roman goes to, because she has a degree in pharmacology and knows meds really well. I told her my plight and she immediately said - "there's no way you will lose weight with that medicine. It's notorious for it!" She prescribed me a different thing for anxiety right away - the same one Roman is on, ironically - and I will start weaning off this horrible drug. It will take a month to wean off, but hopefully by the end of summer I will be back at 200 again. And can go nowhere but down. My skinny clothes are hanging in Roman's closet and wanting to get out again! So nice to know that it's not me - not battling against myself.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Adoptees never escape

Roman and I were having a great time at a craft store today. As we were finishing up, I saw some Willow Tree brand figures and stopped to see if they had the one I've wanted (mother with two boys). They didn't, but had a "Brothers" figure. I immediately thought of Ro and Charlie, picked it up and said, "Hey Roman, what does this remind you of?" Roman immediately replied, "Me and my brother in Russia."

Oh. My. Gosh. Where I thought of him as the protective older brother, Roman immediately placed himself as the younger one. His mind must roll over those thoughts every day. I played it really well, saying "Oh it does? So this is you..." and we talked briefly about it. But my heart ached for him - wanting to know his birthfamily. We talked again about it at bedtime and he said, "even if we go back to Russia we may not find them." So clearly that little brain is spinning plans that he hasn't verbalized yet. I shared with him my feelings on my own birthfamily, and how I hope we can find his someday. Oh, my sweet Roman.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Beautiful weather

Warm weather, sun, a nice breeze... it really does a lot to lift the spirits. Even if my spirits didn't need much lifting, I always feel better once the weather turns for good. It still doesn't smell like Spring out there, but the temps are telling me to go out and play. So we have been - the boys have been to the park at least once a day since Thursday. I got outside to fill the birdfeeders, wishing I could see the ones that I've been hearing for days. And then....

Oh yes, folks. That's a hawk. We were sitting there tonight, and out of the corner of our eyes we see this huge winged shadow come swooping in. We all jumped back, and I looked out to see this hawk on a rock in our landscape. He apparently was going after another bird at the feeder. Doug is all thrilled now, hoping to see some hunter-prey action.

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Lazy Saturday, and wonderful boys!

Today, with all the rain-turned-snow, it has been a lazy day here. Luckily, the boys cooperated. So often when Doug and I want to just putter around the house, that's when the kids are bouncing off the walls and needing to get their energy out. Today they were happy to read books, play, and do errands with their Dad (separately, of course. We don't try to take them out at the same time!). Even better, today they played together really well! We know tomorrow will probably be horrible in those terms, so we are soaking up the goodness today.

These pictures, taken just a few minutes ago, shows the awesomeness in our living room; Daddy and Charlie watching "Johnny Test," with Charlie believing he has a better view through his handyman safety goggles...

And then Roman, who sold back a game at GameStop to get Pokemon SoulSilver for his DS. He is very happy to sit in the comfy chair and play!
So many times we get caught up in the struggle of day to day, meds and tantrums, school drama & toddler drama... I need to appreciate this day. It has been a great day.