Thursday, February 05, 2009

Good news, so why am I not thrilled?

Doug got word today that he *will* be working next week, and just has to suffer through one more week of layoff after that - the week we need him to be off due to vacations & tube-surgery, so that's good. Doug was absolutely elated, dancing a jig in the kitchen and everything. My first reaction? A sarcasm-filled "oh, great." Doug was hurt of course, but I knew right away (with guilt) why I wasn't pleased.

I rather like being the breadwinner. I enjoyed those couple weeks with Doug home in the morning, helping me with the boys getting ready for the day. I only had to leave the house with one boy - the one who can gather his own things and put on his own coat. Doug did the errands and phone calls that either don't get done or get done in the evening, and so we could spend more time together those couple weeks. I had the option of staying after school to correct papers or prep the next few days, which is my best time to work. I had the option of coming home after I dropped Roman at school to chat with Doug or catch up on... anything. In short, I could be my own boss again, staying late when I wanted, going in when I wanted, and the kids? They were taken care of. I wasn't being run by the clock anymore. Well, at least not the "pick him up by 3:56pm or we're charging you $7" clock.

I freely admit - it's selfish. Of course I'm glad Doug gets to work, both for his state of mind and our bank account. But I have irritation with his company. We had to go through a lot of decisions, phone calls, and a few people are bending over backward to help us out with the daycare side of things. And with one quick conversation with his boss, now we have to go back and undo it all. Thanks for making all those phone calls for us, Ms. Ann - but Roman's going back to school-care after all. And now has to stay late a night because I had made alternate plans thinking Doug was home.
Thanks for putting all that info in the computer and allowing us 3 weeks off, Ms. Pat - but now it's just 2 weeks. It seems that we keep changing dates and we're on, we're off, we're on again... can't Doug's company just get their act together? Do they not get we're trying to coordinate an entire family here?

Supposedly this should be the end of Doug's layoffs. I am quite wary of it now. I don't believe it, and I don't trust them. Doug points out I should just enjoy the good news and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it's amazing how quickly one learns to live hanging on the edge, and it's quite difficult to immediately say "it's all better now." One cool thing about the recall is that Doug is one of only two people at the company who can do this particular job they need done next week (can't let out any trade secrets!), so along with him working, he gets validation that his skills are valued. And that does make me happy.

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