Tuesday, January 06, 2009

the January blues

I don't usually have January blues. But a lot has been thrown at us the past couple months, and 2009 doesn't seem to look better. And I'm just feeling... blah. From previous bouts, I'm pretty sure I've stumbled into a depression. Which is interesting. It's interesting to know the symptoms, realize I have them, and not care. Or know that I am in it, but can't get out of it. Know what I should do, but don't want to do. Even when I say things, I know I'm being totally melodramatic and it's because of my mental state. I even joke about it, which is odd too. I was talking to Doug in a "woe is me" state and finally I said, "don't you see? Everything is horrible, nothing goes right..." in my most dramatic fashion. I even know that I sound melodramatic. But I can't stop feeling that way.

So. It could be the impending one-year anniversary of when my world turned upside down. Could be the housing problem and realizing we're never getting out of here with a profit. Could be Roman's ADHD-like behaviors that have ramped up immediately upon return to school. Could be I'm no longer interested in teaching (or the kids) for a variety of reasons. Could be I'm missing time with Charlie. Could be that Doug's job security is questionable. Could be that him getting another job is synonomous with "out of state." Could be that I'm tired of what I consider extraneous things taking up all my free time (grad school, anyone?). Could be I'm just... well, you get the idea.

Two bright spots for me personally are the swim season coming up and I'm back to coaching, and also I've received the book "Brisingr" which is third in a series I was introduced to this Fall. Also discovered the "Artemis Fowl" series which is entertaining. Boy, I've missed reading. I suppose I will have to do something about this state of mind as well.

Oh, and a couple people have mentioned they can't leave comments anymore. I adjusted the settings, so try again when the mood strikes you.

1 comment:

Cat Hoemke said...

my mom still gets down around my birthday because of the stuff she went though and that was *ahem* over 30 years *ahem* ago. I hope you all are feeling better. Paul had tubes which messed up his hearing, but that was ahem also over *ahem* 30 years *ahem* ago. Hopefully they've gotten better at it.