Thursday, December 04, 2008

bedtime conversations

As I tucked Roman in for bed this evening, I said I'd tell him the story of Jesus' birth. Of course I like to embellish with modern sayings to make it a little more accessible for my 5-year-old. Well, Roman got me back this evening. Here's how it went...

" Mary was outside of her house, getting water for the family or something, when bam! an angel appeared."
*Roman giggling*
"and the angel, whose name was Gabriel, said "do not be afraid, even though you've never seen an angel before!"
*more Roman giggling*
"Do not be afraid, because I bring really good news. You're going to have a baby!"
Roman: "That's not very good news."

I laughed so hard I could barely get the rest of the story out! Out of the mouth of a fairly new big brother, obviously. He also led me into some rocky areas of his adoption story this evening, too.
Roman: "Babies are born in every month."
Me: That's true. I was born in April.
Roman: "I was born in April."
Me: No you weren't. You were born in June!
Roman: "how do you know that?"
Me: Because the people in Russia told us.
Roman: "How did they know?"
Me: Because when you started to come out of your birthmama's tummy, she called an ambulance to go to the hospital. So they knew what day you were born."
...silence as he soaks this in, and then...
Roman: "What if I still lived in Russia?"

Oh boy. I knew he just wanted a brief imagining, but my mind went all over. Does he mean with his birthmom? Or at the baby home? Or just wanting to know a little more about Russia? Which angle do I approach? It's not that I have a problem talking to him about any of it, but bedtime is not when I expect these things! So I simply said, "well, you wouldn't have Daddy & I in your life. And we would probably be a little lonely, not having had a boy to love the past 5 years." He didn't say anything after that and mumbled about wanting a Band-Aid for his thumb, but the comments and questions are coming more frequently now. I guess he's at the age where he begins to own his story & realizes there's loss mixed in with that joy of adoption.

There was so much more I could say, in retrospect. But I suppose the point right now is to continue to make him feel secure in the adoption, because I really don't think a 5 year old is ready to hear about Russian school, or the playground at the orphanage, or the 1 bedroom apartment his birthmother shared with other relatives. I did mention that Daddy and I wanted to take him back to visit Russia someday, and he said "No. Only McDonald's & Red Square." Interesting.

1 comment:

WMW said...

That is (a) hilarious! and (b) interesting. Hard to know what they are thinking indeed. From reading at (she has a 4 year old, open adoption) I would say maybe ask back what do you mean? or what do you think? and see what angle the child might take. But I really have NO idea since we are not there yet. And so many unknowns when we are...

...I don't even really know her birthday. Sigh.