What a crappy day. It is the annual swim at a coworker’s house, but when I woke it was stormy, rainy, and they were warning of more. So I cancelled our appearance. I did think, it will probably get nice later and I should get ready anyway… but I didn’t. Then around 11:30 I thought to call and see if they were all there, cuz I changed my mind and thought we’d go (plus, it's sunny). Got out towels and swimsuits. Then I realized that Roman needed lunch very soon, Charlie was crying for more bottle, I hadn’t showered (and needed to if I was going to appear in a swimsuit), and it would be at least 45 minutes to pack up and get out the door; & 25 minute drive to the coworker. So I decided we wouldn’t. And then, inexplicably, I began to cry. Hard. And I realized I really needed to go. I need adults, I need my old friends, and I need to get out of the house! What I really need is some time away from the kids (because I am tired of dragging them everywhere I go) but that’s a different post.
But then I started thinking of everything I had to do since we’re visiting family this weekend. We have to go to the grocery store or Charlie will have nothing to drink. I have to go fill a prescription. I have to do a load of laundry. I had promised Ro we’d return stuff to the library to get new for the weekend. And I thought, I guess we can’t go. And then a coworker called. “We’re here! Come join us!” And I decided at the last minute – to punish myself. We’re not going. I can’t keep changing my mind, telling Ro we’re going, then we’re not, and I should have gotten showered & ready this morning instead of sitting in a funk & sulking.
So at this moment, at least 4 of my favorite coworkers are lounging around a pool, drinking a beer, eating from the grill, and I’m going to Kroger’s and then the drugstore. Then I’m coming home and vacuuming the basement, doing a load of whites, & maybe playing a game with Roman on the Playstation. And I’m angry about it. But if I hadn’t been all unmotivated & sulky this morning, I guess we could’ve gone. Serves me right.