Friday, March 14, 2008

Complaints & emotions

Charlie update first: eye doctor visit was fine. Everything normal. Dr. said again that he will not have "meaningful" vision until 3-months adjusted, which is roughly June. Roman is excellent, wanting snacks & candy all the time. We had to re-serve him dinner tonight because he wouldn't eat enough at *actual* dinner. We'll see how it goes, it's cooling off right now.

Tomorrow Charlie goes on his first outing. Well, besides the doctors and the occasional CVS or IKEA visit. My niece is having her 5th birthday party at a nature center for maple syrup tapping, should be really unusual & cool. Doug and I are torn 50/50 about Doug staying home with Charlie. Nothing to do with the baby, actually, but because we are so darn exhausted at night, we don't get anything but the essentials done. It would be nice if both boys could disappear for a day or afternoon... but at the same time, we're not ready for Charlie to be out of our sight for so long yet!

Speaking of IKEA, I have spoken ill of that great place. I now have 2 complaints to lodge against the building. First, the bathroom situation is horrible for a family with kids. If you're in the back of the store and God forbid, your child says in that strained voice, "I gotta go pee!" you're in trouble. They have no bathrooms in the back, only in the front. And if you're on the first floor Marketplace, well, you have to go through the checkout counters to get to the bathroom. What do you do with your merchandise, you ask? Leave it. And hope they don't put it back or wheel your cart away.

Now, a second issue has occurred. I went to buy a lamp the other day. I knew they had it upstairs in the kids' section, but I also knew their lighting section was downstairs. So I thought I'd breeze through the "shortcuts," grab the lamp, and get right out of there. Right. That particular lamp isn't stocked downstairs, only upstairs. And that first floor is a maze. I had to go all the way back to the front, go upstairs, get the lamp, then wend my way all the way back to the checkout area. It took me 45 minutes to buy a lamp. Of course, I did pick up a couple packs of napkins on my way through, but still.

March 25 is fast approaching. It's a curious day in our house. It is/was Charlie's due date, and it is also Roman's "gotcha day" - well, the day the judge ruled us fit to be Roman's parents. I thought since Charlie's been home and we've been settling in, this date wouldn't matter much. But it really does. I think we were much more capable than most people to do the "NICU" thing, having experienced an adoption "wait period" before. But with Charlie's situation I have anger, which surprised me. While I'm certainly glad he's here and healthy, there's a part of me that thinks I got cheated. I know, most women would say the third trimester is no fun anyway. But we didn't get a normal arrival. The Norman Rockwell birth. And the more I think of Charlie's actual birth... straining to hear a cry, listening to the mutters of the nurses and doctor, needing to hear if everything was okay, and finally - a 10 second look into an incubator before he was wheeled away. I didn't get to hold him. I didn't get to touch him. All my daydreams of cuddling a newborn, whispering to him, grinning up at Doug... no. And the closer Charlie's due date gets, the madder I am that I didn't get that.

And the closer Roman's Gotcha Day comes, the more I think about that too. We don't celebrate it at our house; his birthday is the significant day, although I'm sure we'll mention it at dinner. But whenever there's an adoption anniversary of some sort - the day we received his referral, the first day we saw him, court day - I reflect on his situation. Now, and what it would have been like had he stayed in Russia. Hm. So I've been doing a lot of pondering lately.

Luckily, the swim season has official started and I'm still inputting the time trials and lineups for the meets, as well as some other minor paperwork. So that will keep me busy, assuming I can stay awake!

1 comment:

wmw said...

I was trying to think what to say here, because your honesty deserves comment. Thanks for that.

I guess I was wondering if there is a connection between the feeling more cheated and the approaching gotcha day? Like maybe with Roman you didn't get that newborn experience and you were fine with that, but then you thought you would get to have it after all, but then you didn't...does it now seem like even more of a cheat somehow? Not trying to put words in your mouth, so sorry if I'm waaaay off! Just pondering if that was what you were feeling/saying.

Anyway, I feel thankfully warned about the Ikea bathroom situation--but hey, at least you don't have to drive three hours to GET to Ikea! Now that is tragic.