First, news on Charlie: He has lost a couple ounces, which is normal. But, he was on the "jaundice lamp" Sunday and already taken off Monday because his levels went down. He also is feeding well (through a nasogastric tube) so they upped his feedings to 10cc each time. Today was great because Doug and I spent the afternoon together with Charlie. I got to Kangaroo hold him for 1-1/2 hours and Daddy was told he could start holding Charlie too (although he is waiting until later this week - he's still used to being "errand man" while I'm holding Charlie). Tomorrow I will be starting to change diapers and take his temperature, a couple of the only things parents can do in caring for him. Charlie spent almost 30 minutes awake while Doug and I cupped him and talked to him... just a powerful afternoon with our baby.
God continues to solve my internal dilemmas and debates in one fell swoop, although it's not quite the way I want things resolved necessarily. Take these: with bedrest and early delivery
1. Our dilemma with Rebekka was solved (ready to go home or not?)
2. My fear of giving birth to a 10 pound baby was resolved (emergency c-section at 30 weeks tends to do that)
3. My secret desire for more time off work was granted (again, not in the way I had hoped)
Now there is a fourth resolution, again not in the way I expected. I had asked my grad school professors if it was possible to continue to do the paperwork and readings for my classes although I would not necessarily be able to complete all the observations (since I was on bedrest at the time). Both teachers have acknowledged my difficulties but have refused to allow me to do this; after talking with Doug after Charlie's birth, I certainly am not going to spend my Monday evenings in class when my mind is clearly somewhere else - and needs to be.
So, I have to regretfully withdraw from the Masters program. These two classes are only offered one semester a year, and there's no way I can complete my end-of-degree project this year either. And I'm already on the one-year extension. In truth, the only thing it doesn't allow is a nice raise through my school district. I'm not devastated that I can't finish, because my family is more important to me. And it's a relief not to worry about it anymore. It just... is one more thing. I don't know that I can keep taking all these "resolutions." I thought that bed rest would be my world-stopping act, but it appears to be the one thing that is making the rest of my life fall apart!