Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Adoption vs. Birth - Roman finally asks questions

We had dinner at church tonight. I mentioned off-hand that someone else's kids were adopted. Roman asked, "When will the baby be adopted?" Now, I figured eventually he would get to asking questions, but I didn't expect it in this form! Here's how the conversation went:
Roman: "When will the baby be adopted?"
Doug: "It won't be, honey."
Amy: "It doesn't get to be that lucky."
Roman: "Because I came from someone else's tummy."
Amy: "Yes, that's true. And she couldn't take care of you, so she allowed you to be adopted."
Roman: "Why not?"
(Doug and Amy meet eyes, take deep breaths... this is really the first time he's asked.)
Amy: "She did not have a lot of money. She could not afford to buy you toys, or buy a lot of food, or make sure you had nice things. And she wanted you to have toys & nice things. So she decided you should live with a family who could give you those things, and they called us."
Roman: "What was my Daddy's phone number?"
Doug: "I had the same phone number that I do now. So they knew how to get ahold of me."
Roman: "Can I have dessert now?"

In retrospect, experts say not to give more information than the kid asks for, and I suppose I could have ended the conversation with "yes, you came from someone else's tummy." However, I also reflect on my own growing up and knowledge of adoption and I always knew all these kinds of details, so I must have learned them early on. So I don't mind having pushed a bit farther, especially since Roman brought it up.

In baby-birthing news, I spoke with a midwife at church tonight and asked her if she truly felt it necessary to go through Lamaze. She stared at me and said, "would you go to the Olympics without any training?" I stammered well, I thought the whole breathing thing was probably not helpful and doesn't it happen naturally? She laughed out loud and said, "It will last, on average, about 16 hours, like running a marathon. Birth will be the greatest physical activity you EVER do." So... I think we'll probably sign up for a birthing class. The midwife offered a private class with her if we're interested, but recommended we try our hospital of choice first.

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